It can be an onerous task, deciding on the elements to include in a funeral service, especially for somebody you didn’t know personally. Poems, readings, and music are often included because they serve important emotional, symbolic, and ritual functions that help mourners reflect on and celebrate the life of the deceased.
We are often lost for words at such an emotional time. Poems and readings provide a way to articulate feelings that are difficult to express in ordinary language. They can pay tribute to the deceased, reflect on their life and legacy, and offer comfort and hope to the grieving. Poems may be chosen because they were favourites of the deceased or because they capture sentiments that resonate with the mourners.
There is a plethora of poetry out there if you’re not up to writing some verse of your own. So much in fact that it’s difficult to know where to start. I’ll endeavour to help you in that task now with some tips on what to bear in mind when choosing poems, and in future posts by sharing a selection of some of the best I’ve come across.
There are several key things to consider when choosing poetry for a funeral service.
- Reflect on the Deceased’s Wishes and Personality
Firstly, check if the deceased left any instructions or preferences for readings or poems in their will or discussed them with family. This is a fundamental first question as the answer may well save you an enormous amount of time and head-scratching. The family (assuming there is one and are able to talk to you) will have known the deceased, their personality, beliefs, and sense of humour. For example, a spiritual person might appreciate a religious poem, while someone light-hearted may prefer something humorous or uplifting. So, ask the family what their loved one might have wanted. They might have liked a particular writer or a particular poem.
- Match the Tone and Theme to the Service
Establish whether the service is to have some religious content or if it will be more Humanist in tone and choose poetry that feels appropriate.
- Consider the overall mood you want to create-comforting, celebratory, reflective, or uplifting.
Common themes include love, life, loss, remembrance, and hope.
- Consider the Audience, the Content & the Language
Select a poem that will resonate with those attending and offer some comfort. Every member of that audience will have had their own relationship with the deceased and have their own individual memories of that person. But, more likely than not, there will be a collective connection with that person that the right poem, the right words can resonate with them all, making them laugh or cry and probably both.
Ensure the content is appropriate for everybody, avoiding anything that could be disrespectful or offensive. There may of course be children present. Some poems, especially by more contemporary and alternative writers may be a bit fruity which may sit well with the audience present. They might represent the personality and attitude of the deceased so perfectly that a few swear words won’t matter. On the other hand, they might be a bit too much for Auntie Gladys!
- Consider Length and Readability
Choose a poem that is easy to read and not overly long, especially if the reader may be emotional. It can be very overwhelming to get up and speak at the funeral of a loved one. Sometimes, a short poem or a few meaningful lines can be just as powerful as a longer reading so, don’t be afraid to choose something simple. Sincerity and personal meaning matter most.
